The History of Jizz Rag: Tampa’s new mascot

Jizz rag was born as a white tube sock in the great state of Mascot-achusets, in a knock off nike factory. He grew up in a small town next door to Scroty the Scrotum. The two became close friends, and went to school with him throughout his teenage years. The friendship seemed like it would be life long, I mean Scroty was Jizz rag’s “Old Chub.”

Time went on, and Scroty went off to college at Rhode Island School of Design and Jizz Rag went to community college just outside of Boston. The friendship was strained until Scroty shot one in Jizz Rags face. That was the end of a true friendship between two very mediocre mascots.

Jizz Rag tried to get a job as the mascot for the Chicago White Sox and the Boston Red Sox, but their marketing departments both thought that dying and embroidering a living, breathing sock was just a little inhumane. Needless to say, he was passed over. After that, he was unable to get a job. He spent his next few years living under a bridge being blown into the ocean then used by a plethora of fellow homeless people.

Finally, Jizz Rag ended up in Tampa Bay. Stained by algae and urine, he hitched a ride on a homeless man to the corporate offices of FC Tampa Bay. He was dropped off out front after the homeless man he was with was arrested for possession of crack cocaine. Just as he was left for dead, Tampa’s Director of Marketing found him, lonely and diseased. From there, the rest is history. Tampa finally found a mascot that stank just as much as they do.



Story by: Kyle Kaly

Miami FC Hooligan